Have you ever seen a dinosaur in its death throes?
Of course you haven’t, but can you imagine it? I can, because I see it every day. I work in an organization and an industry functioning within a paradigm that is dying: Health care — or “healthcare” as we call it. But it’s not alone. Government, industry, education, even institutions like the family, religion, political processes, and public services are all dying as we know them, and if you have ever had any experience with dying things, you know how they fight to survive, even when there’s no hope.
The myth of 2012 is real. Whether the end of the long count of the Mayan calendar really indicates the “end of the world” or just the idea of this is freaking people out, it doesn’t matter. Whether you believe the amazing astromical shifts due to take place in December 2012 will have a profound impact on Earth and humanity or none at all, it doesn’t matter. Whether we are responding to changes around us, or manifesting the changes ourselves, it doesn’t matter. Something is happening, and I think most of us sense it.
And it’s about damn time. If you pay attention, you notice the signs everywhere that things can no longer continue as they are. I have felt for some time now that I go to work every day, sometimes up to 60 hours a week, in a building that is on fire and falling to pieces around me — but I’m the only one who smells smoke. I see a couple folks fleeing the building with wet hankies over their nose and mouth. I see hundreds putting on gas masks, protective goggles and headphones and going on about their business as usual. And I see many dashing about blindly in fear and/or anger, with the vague sense that something isn’t right, but unsure what it is, much less what to do about it.
Putting bandaids on broken bones and waving the smoke away are not enough. I have been trying to decide for some months now whether to flee the building myself, or stay in and try to hold up a corner of a room somewhere and save a few folks when it all collapses. In the meantime, I have been trying to let people know the building is on fire and getting ready to fall down. Most ignore me, some continue their flailing, and others attack me for sounding the alarm.
This week I decided to flee the building. In my personal life, I had finally learned the lesson of not trying to change people who aren’t ready, willing or able, but apparently I hadn’t quite learned that lesson in my professional life. Now I am listening.
Not a thing is different on the outside, but on the inside I am changing. I am outside the building now in my heart, mind, and spirit. I can breathe. I feel the sun on my face and even welcome the winter chill. I hear bird sounds as they rustle around in the trees, attending to tasks that really matter.
I believe now that I am not meant to be miserable and fighting all the time, and that suffering in order to supposedly help others diminishes my light and theirs too. Waiting for external validation for my efforts is not how I want to live. Casting the pearls of my gifts before swine is no virtue on my part, it is an irresponsible waste. Staying out of loyalty to one or two leaders who are the exeption instead of the rule is not honoring of them, or me. Fearing change because I cling to my generous paycheck is not consistent with my values – it is slavery.
I can no longer ignore the fact I don’t fit in, but I do not accept the idea I am alone, crazy, or naive in believing that people are essentially good and work is supposed to be joyful and meaningful. I realize now that staying in the building not only prolongs the inevitable, it is dangerous for me.
The world doesn’t need any more apathy, anger or anxiety. It needs creativity, compassion, love, inspiration, connection, community, and meaning. I have faced my own inconvenient truth that I cannot “be the change I wish to see in the world” in my current environment.
So! I didn’t know I would be making this decision now, and while I had pondered starting a blog as a creative outlet for a few weeks, I hadn’t intended to start it until next month after the new year and my 42nd birthday! But I felt called to start it now, and since I am doing better at listening these days, I am heeding this call. Tonight it was a full moon, which is a time of letting go. When I started this project it was 12-10-11 and now it is 12-11-11, which are cool dates with lots of powerful 1s and 2s. We are just 11 days from the Solstice which not only is the darkest day, it marks the return of the Light. And we celebrate La Virgen de Guadalupe, Earth Mother of this continent, on Monday – moon day. It feels right.
This is a new leg of my journey, and I hope to share it with you that we may support, inspire and encourage each other during the difficult challenges we face. This is a M.I.C. check — a checklist, check-in and self payment — of Meaning, Inspiration, and Creativity.
M.I.C check … any fellow (r)evolutionaries out there ready to change their world too? It is time!
Paz, amor, vida y fuerza …